A Chance to Forget
by TheSilverWarrior
Summary: My name is Rose. My life before my 5th year was hell, my thoughts tormented with thoughts of revenge...and my sleep with memories. This is my story... complete summary within
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OCs and the new classes. Any and all other characters, places, ideas, and things belong to J.K. Rowling, and to J.K. Rowling alone.

This fanfic can also be viewed on .com under the pen name of EbonyRose.

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**Summary:** My name is Rose. My life before my 5th year was hell, my thoughts tormented with thoughts of revenge... and my sleep with memories. This is my story where i learn how to forget...and forgive. This is my life as I endure my 5th year at Hogwarts, a year that is much different than the ones before. This is my story.

I left the house around nine in the morning for King's Cross, pushing a little cart with my school trunk and cat carrier. I live only a short ways away from the station, but I like to get there early. It means I don't have to vie for an empty carriage, and don't have to feel all those eyes stare at me as I go by. And I wanted to get away from the house. Or more accurately, my foster family. They always seemed to be looking down their noses at me, finding _something_ wrong with me, no matter what I did. It was always "Rose, you didn't clean all of the dishes!" moments after they dirtied the dishes I just cleaned. "Rosie, Rosie, Rosie. Didn't you _know_ that the cat had got shut in your room for the entire day? We keep telling you to leave your door open!" when I walk in to the overwhelming stink of feces after coming home from work at the Leaky Cauldron. I have a hate/hate relationship with my foster family, and I can't get away from them until I'm seventeen. My wizard social worker, who has arranged where I've lived for the past six years, has told me that staying with the McCayver family is to protect me. But I think it's to protect my family's murderers from _me_. I can still remember hearing my older sister beg for mercy while I did behind a painting in the house, my own little cubby space. I don't regret much my mother dying. But then they went after my father, older sister, and baby sister. That I could never forgive. Then I was moved from orphanage to orphanage, then from family to family. Sometimes I thought that the vow for vengeance I made six years ago at the age of nine was the only thing that kept me going.

The blast of a train whistle broke me out of my reverie. I glanced at the clock. 9:32. I had plenty of time. I casually leaned against the barrier between platform nine and ten. A scarlet steam engine greeted me, the first welcome sight I'd had for many weeks. Even as early as it was, there were a few Hogwarts students already there. I ignored them and their gazes as I walked towards the end compartments, pushing my trunk ahead of me. Amber mewed impatiently, wanting out.

"I'll let you out when we get settled. You can wait a few more seconds to get out. You'll survive 'til then," I reassured her. Amber quieted. Sometime I thought she knew exactly what I was saying. She's gotten stranger over the years. I thing Crookshanks, Hermione's cat, has been teaching her a thing or two. Hermione is in my house, Gryffindor, and is two years older than me, in her seventh year.

As I was loading my trunk into the last compartment on the train, the conductor paused as he passed by, smiling as he greeted me.

"Good to have you back, Rose."

"Good to _be_ back," I said earnestly. "I couldn't _wait_ for the summer break to get over."

"Planning on entering the talent contest this year? You should really show off that voice of yours." He shot me a concerned look, but I didn't meet his eyes. I never do. To anybody.

"No, but thanks for the compliment, sir." I blushed slightly, embarrassed. I never get very many compliments. And I can still remember that embarrassing moment when he caught me singing one of my own songs to myself while looking out the window as I watched the smoke billowing from the train make sinuous shadows on the mostly empty platform two years ago.

"Oh, all right then. It's your choice. But I still think you should." He just doesn't give up, does he? I thought to myself.

"Well, I'm not going to. I prefer to watch." And not get laughed at, I added silently.

"Okay. You have a good school year," and off he trotted, leaving me to devise a way to get my heavy trunk into my compartment, short of magic. After heaving my exhausted body onto the seat and closing the doors, I leaned back, resting after the grueling experience of lifting what felt like a ton of bricks.

"MEOW!" Darn that cat! Just as I was starting to fall asleep! About to give my ungrateful bag of fur a good tongue lashing, I realized that I hadn't yet let her out. God, did I feel guilty! I hurried to open the carrier, apologizing profusely to my cat, who just flicked her tail in disdain as she hopped onto the seat in front of me and curled up in a batch of sunlight. Typical, I thought. She wants out of the cage to walk around and stretch her muscles, and what does she do? Curl right back up in the same position in a different place, and goes to sleep, purring all the while. I rolled my eyes. The was so soft, and the sun was warm upon my face. I closed my eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OCs and the new classes. Any and all other characters, places, ideas, and things belong to J.K. Rowling, and to J.K. Rowling alone.

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I awoke to the sound of laughter echoing throughout the compartment, and the rattle of the trolley out in the hallway. Opening my eyes to the unfamiliar closeness of the noise, I was met with the sight of two yellow-green eyes a bare two inches from my own grey-green ones. With a yelp, I jerked backwards and fell ungracefully upon the vibrating floor, much like a crash test dummy that muggles use to test out cars.

I rose red-faced in the sudden silence, glaring all the while at my ornery cat, who just ignored me and groomed herself on the windowsill. Sitting back into my seat, I winced slightly as I rested a little too much weight upon my wrist. Lifting it a little, I examined it. My right wrist was slightly swollen and tender to the touch. Oh, just wonderful! I thought sarcastically. Not even the start of term, and already I had to go see Madam Pomfrey for a sprained wrist. What a way to start the year!

"Are you alright?" I looked up, surprised. I had unbelievably forgotten the compartment's other occupants. "I mean, it looked like you fell pretty hard." The girl seemed genuinely concerned, her blue-gray eyes earnest. She had long, curly chestnut hair, and a sort of ovalish face. And her eyes were locked on me. I looked away, not meeting her eyes.

"I'm fine," was my slightly gruff answer. I don't like people looking at me, and I find it hard to be sociable when they do.

"Are you sure? I saw you favoring your wrist. Do you want me to look at it?" This time it was the girl nest to the brunette. She had medium length red hair and emerald green eyes. They almost seemed to see everything.

I was saved the task of making up a plausible lie by the door sliding open.

"Anything off the trolley, dears?" Thank god for that woman! The two girls seemed to forget about me momentarily as they paid for their snacks, and I could relax my guard.

"Rosie, dear? Are you going to get anything?" All the workers on the Express knew me. And, unfortunately, seemed to have taken it into their minds to take care of me while I was there. I got up and walked into the hallway to make my selections.

"Are you alright, honey?" Mary asked me after everyone else had gone back to their compartments. She busied herself putting their money in the trolley's "safe", a spelled coin pouch to keep away thieves, while I searched for an answer.

"I'm fine. I'm just happy to be back," I said in a lowered voice, not wanting to be overheard. Mary glanced behind me, her eyebrows raised in understanding. Personal questions were to be kept private.

"It's just… you don't look well. Are you getting enough sleep? You look like you haven't slept in days." Mary raised a motherly hand to my forehead, feeling for a temperature.

"Truly, I'm fine. I've just had nightmares for the past few nights," I reassured her. "It's nothing to worry your kind heart over." I hate people getting too close to me. It makes me want to run. Gently, I moved my head away from her hand.

"Alright, then. Just you take care." Her plump face plainly expressed her slight disbelief, as if she knew I'd only told her part of the truth. But she did not press me for more. She just smiled her motherly smile, and left, making her way to the front of the train. My affection for her grew a bit when she did not ask anymore questions. I thought to myself as I made my way back to my window seat, If only her son had not died at birth. She'd make a very good mother.

"She called you Rosie. Is that your name," the brunette asked.

"Rose. It's Rose Jardin," I said, unsure why I was telling her this.

"Nice to meet you Rose. I'm Kateryn Storm, and this is my best friend, Tsuki Field. We're seventh years. What year are you?" Kateryn seemed determined to start a conversation, no matter how one sided.

"Fifth," I said, looking out the window. I _really_ did not want to talk right now. I just wanted to go back to sleep, but my throbbing wrist made it plain that that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. I massaged it gently.

"Let me see your wrist." It was the red haired one, Tsuki. I was about to argue, but her eyes stopped me. I looked quickly away, holding out my right wrist. Anything to stop her looking at me. The perceptiveness of her gaze unnerved me. And the intensity of her emotions, though well hidden, were too much to maintain any sort of eye contact.

I felt cool fingers on my wrist, but none of the painful poking and prodding that I had expected. Instead, Tsuki just looked at it, contemplating. Without warning, she snatched her wand from beside her, next to a leather bound book, with a look of intense concentration, and pointed it at my wrist. I couldn't help it. I tensed like a deer does just before running away from danger. My focus narrowed to just her wand as memory crashed against my mind. Such was my sudden panic, I didn't hear what Tsuki said, but suddenly a cool healing green light spread from the tip of her wand to wrap around my sprained wrist. The swelling went down, and the sharp pain receded to a very faint one.

Tsuki was looking curiously at me as she put her wand back down, but didn't say anything. She only shared a glance with Kateryn, then opened her book. The Case of the Missing Warlock. A mystery fan, then.

I looked out the window, resting my head against it, but not really seeing anything. I was trying to relax, but it was hard to do when memory kept intruding. I kept seeing a different wand pointing at me, and the red light streaking from it. I absently rubbed my shoulder, ridding it of a remembered pain.

As the sun set, I became aware of Tsuki and Kateryn talking. It was pleasant to listen to them. They were laughing, and not cruelly or at me. It was nice not to hear someone insult you behind your back.

When the sun had set, an there was nothing to see in the dark, I turned to watch my companions. Their talk had turned to family, and Kateryn was doing most of it. That in and of itself was unusual, for Tsuki had been talking almost as much as Kateryn before, but added to it was her expression. It was a strange mix of sad hunger and loneliness. And maybe a bit of wistfulness. In the silence that followed, I felt my mouth form a question without my willing it.

"You have problems with your family?" God! Why did I _have_ to stick my nose in?

"Why? Do you?" Tsuki asked sharply, slightly defensive.

"You could say that," I said dryly, smiling humorlessly. Amber hopped up into my lap and curled up, purring. I looked out the window again, watching my breath fog it up. The lights had just turned on when the door slid open again.

"Hey there, cutie. What took you so long? Did you lose your way?" I looked to see who Kateryn was greeting. It was a handsome boy that looked to be either seventeen or eighteen, and wearing a Head Boy badge. He had short light-brown hair, and blue eyes, and was wearing Hufflepuff's colors.

"Nice of you to join us Cedric," Tsuki said, smiling slightly. Cedric nodded to her, then turned to Kateryn, his honest face openly expressing his love of her.

"I'm sorry Kate. I had Head Boy duties. You understand, right?" Cedric actually managed to pull off the puppy dog eyes, and made it look good! I thought I'd never see the day.

"No, I'm never gonna forgive you," Kateryn laughed. Then she pulled him down and gave him a kiss. A very _long_ kiss, I thought. I looked away quickly. Tsuki made a sound that might've been a cross between a gag and a laugh. She buried her nose in her book, but not before she shot me an amused look.

"I'm gonna have nightmares tonight!" She mouthed to me. I clapped a hand to my mouth and looked out at the inky blackness outside in an effort to muffle my laughter. It must have worked, because Kateryn and Cedric didn't even pause in what might be considered a major make-out session. I closed my eyes and allowed my exhaustion to take over, drifting into a light sleep, feeling Amber purring beneath my palm.

****

I woke suddenly, sensing someone in front of me. My eyes snapped open instantly, my hand searching frantically for the wand that wasn't there, but in my trunk. A pair of worried blue-gray eyes met mine. Suddenly I was overwhelmed by emotions. Worry in the fore, but a sense of a conflict of great proportion that had been solved in the past giving way to a sense of peace and happiness. The worry was for me, but the underlying emotions seemed to revolve around a male presence. Cedric, I thought muzzily. The male presence was Cedric, I could tell. Suddenly, those blue-gray eyes were replaced by emerald ones. The wash of emotions was just as strong, but they seemed to be tightly reigned. They didn't flood my mind like Kateryn's had, just sort-of went _around_ it, like a cool river going around a rock. Slowly, I regained my sense of self, becoming more and more aware of someone, or some ones, calling my name.

I jerked back, wrenching out of the grip of whoever had been shaking me. I looked around, realization striking me like a bolt of lightning. I was on the Hogwarts Express, and the compartment's three other occupants were watching me intently. I looked down as Amber crawled back into my lap, trying to comfort me. To hide how much I was shaking, I buried my hands in her fur, scratching her ear. The silence grew uncomfortable, and I felt like I had to break it or go crazy.

"I'm sorry," I apologized shakily. "I… I don't react well to getting woken up… I'm sorry…" I trailed off, brushing my long black hair out of my face.

"It's alright. I wouldn't have tried to wake you, but we're almost to Hogsmeade, and you seemed to be having a terrible nightmare." To my surprise, Kateryn's voice held no cruelty or hidden amusement. The silence of the compartment suddenly struck me. _Nobody_ was laughing at me. I looked at my hands as I felt a sharp pain. My hands were covered in scratches and bites. Looking closer, I saw that none of them were deep.

"Your cat tried to wake you. We tried to stop her, but she wouldn't until _we_ tried. She must love you very much." That was Cedric. I couldn't look at him. If I did, I was afraid he'd recognize me from between classes. I didn't want this kindness that was so rare to me to be replaced by cringing, unkind laughter, and hatred.

"You'll want to see Madam Pomfrey for those cuts, 'cause I don't know how to heal those. Else wise, you won't be able to write for weeks," Tsuki told me. "I noticed that you have an awful lot of scars from your cat on your hands. Have nightmares often?"

"Often enough," I replied in a tone of voice that signaled that I was done speaking on this topic as I reached into my trunk for my robe. I'd noticed that the other three were already wearing theirs, Tsuki with Slytherin's insignia, Kateryn and Cedric with Hufflepuff's. I traced the Gryffindor insignia on my own robes, feeling myself finally stop shaking. I was a Gryffindor. The Sorting Hat wouldn't have put me in it had I not had it in me to _be_ one. As the robe fell about me, I felt my back straighten and my mind become clearer. I felt stronger and surer, more confident in myself. Mere insults could not harm me.

I glimpsed myself in the window. The person who stared back at me was completely different than the one a few moments ago. Stronger, in a way. I turned and found that, once again, I was the object of attention. Tsuki, Kateryn, and Cedric seemed a little taken aback at my transformation… and mayhap a little respectful. Even Amber was looking at me. Her gaze was steady, and she was sitting in such a way that it looked like she was awaiting my orders. For once, the scrutiny did not bother me. In fact, I looked all four of them directly in the eyes, surprising them by this out of character action. They were shocked into silence. Hell, _I_ was shocked.

A familiar voice echoed throughout the train: "We'll be arriving at the station in exactly five minutes. When we arrive, please leave your luggage on the train. It will be taken to the school during the Sorting."

That broke the silence. The compartment was suddenly filled with noise as my companions blinked, then started to pack their things. I set down the cat carrier and opened it. To my surprise, Amber just got up and walked into it without any urging, regal as a queen. I rolled my eyes. Cats were so contrary. You never knew what they'd do next.

As I closed the carrier, I felt the train slowing. I reached once more into my trunk and grabbed my wand. Willow, sixteen inches, the core unicorn hair. I stowed it and my untouched snacks into my robes, my wand near my hand if I needed it in a hurry. The brakes squealed loudly, signaling our arrival. I left the compartment first and didn't look back. Even if I had, I would not have seen anything, because the sudden flood of students and soon to be students blocked my view of the compartment.

I took a deep breath of the cool night air as I stepped out of the Express, feeling at peace for the first time since I had left for the summer. I was finally home.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OCs and the new classes. Any and all other characters, places, ideas, and things belong to J.K. Rowling, and to J.K. Rowling alone.

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The Sorting took longer than last year, and by the end of it, you could hear everyone's stomach growling. If I hadn't known any better, I might've sworn that was a pack of growling wolves hidden beneath all the tables. But it was worth it when it was finally over. Gryffindor had grown by ten, Hufflepuff by six, Ravenclaw seven, and Slytherin seven. I'd clapped along with everyone else, but somehow I was still not one of them. I scolded myself for thinking that this year might be different. Like every year that I've been here, nobody sat or stood next to me if they could help it. If they couldn't, they'd almost _lean_ as far away from me as possible. I've never really figured out why, because they'd even done it when I was a first year, newly arrived and nobody knew me. The seats next to me were almost always empty, and the ones diagonal from me almost as often.

I barely tasted my food, delicious though it was. The nightmare I'd had on the train was coming back to me in little flashes. Not that I wanted to remember. My nightmare was of a memory of my when I was seven. It was something I _wanted_ to forget, all that pain and terror, but I didn't allow myself to. History has a bad tendency to repeat itself when you do. Not that I _could_ anyway, when it kept recurring in my dreams.

I kept my eyes on my plate, picking at the food, ignoring the stares from the Gryffindor first years as the older ones were telling them who to avoid, with me at the top of their list. I knew this because I could hear them, but pretended I couldn't. Instead, I tried to talk myself into eating, but couldn't manage more than a few bites. I just wasn't hungry anymore. I knew I should've been, because Mrs. McCayver made me go without supper the previous night as punishment for something I hadn't done. And I hadn't had breakfast and didn't eat anything on the train on the way here. It crossed my mind that I should go to Madam Pomfrey, but brushed the thought off. I was fine.

Silence fell, and I looked up to see Professor Dumbledore rising. You could've heard a pin drop. I was sorely tempted to drop a spoon, just for the hell of it. But I restrained myself. I didn't need to do anything more to bring my peers' attentions to me. They saw me in a bad enough light already.

"Welcome back older students, and welcome new ones. I hope the food had been to your satisfaction." At this, there was a general rumble of agreement, and a few students laughed. I thought one of them might have been Kateryn, and another Tsuki, but I couldn't be sure. Dumbledore smiled, then continued on, laying out the rules. The forest is forbidden, no Zonko's, blah blah blah. I snorted softly. Most of the rules are _always_ broken, and somebody always goes into the Forbidden Forest. I know _I_ do. It's the only place I can go without feeling _someone_'s eyes on me, and to get away from all the emotions that flooded the school.

"We will once again be holding our annual talent contest, which is to take place the first week of May. The prize for this year's winner will be fifty galleons-" the hall suddenly echoed with whistles and cries of "Yeah!" Dumbledore held up a hand for silence. "-will be fifty galleons and three 'wishes' to be granted… within certain boundaries." At this there was such a commotion that Dumbledore had Hagrid whistle. Having seen what he was going to do right before he did it, I cast a muffliato spell on my ears. A second later, everyone clapped their hands over their ears. I swore I could still hear it, even with the spell. After a few seconds, I removed it. When every one else's ears had stopped ringing, Dumbledore stated where the sign-up sheet was to be posted, and the final deadline for any of those sign-ups, December 31st.

Chairs screeched on the floor as people stood up to leave. I stayed sitting, waiting for when I wasn't in danger of getting squashed between all the bodies to leave. Half of the Great Hall was empty when I finally left. Taking a few secret passages, I managed to get to the portrait of the Fat Lady just as she was asking for the password. I hung back, knowing the crowd would almost as bad as the one in the Great Hall had been. Once I was sure that it had been long enough for everyone to get to their dormitories, I walked up to the portrait.

"Password?" The Fat Lady had a kind voice. She reminded me strongly of Mary.

"Grindylow." The portrait swung outward, granting access. I walked in, went into my dormitory, changed into my bed clothes, and then I literally fell into my bed. I was asleep before I could take another breath.

…_moonlight shone through the gaps in the window curtains, forming pools of silver on the floorboards. This was my favorite time of night, when every one was asleep and the house was quiet. There was no fighting, yelling, screaming, or beatings. The only sound was that of the outside. Crickets, soft breezes in the trees and in the grass. An occasional rustle. The mournful hoot of a faraway owl._

_The only warning I got was a slight change of mood in the air. The next thing I knew I was on the floor, paralyzed and unable to cry out because my lips had been spelled shut. My head throbbed where it had hit the floor._

_"Thought ye'd sneak some food from de refried'a'rator, eh? Ah suppose ye think ye didn' git 'nuff at supper, eh?" I felt fear well up inside me. I thought of the "meal" I'd had for supper; bread, water, and a single wilting carrot. Dad hadn't been home, else wise I would've had an actual supper. I'd gone to bed with my stomach growling and had waited until I'd thought everyone was asleep before I snuck into the kitchen for some slices of bread. But _she'd_ caught me before I could get that far._

_She glared down at me, an insane light in her eyes, her tight smile more like a dog's, baring her teeth. She reached for her wand, her smile becoming an evil leer._

_"D'ye know what ah do when ah cetch meself a thief? No? Well, yer 'bout to find out…" Her gravelly voice took on a note of sadistic pleasure. With a flick of her wand, she made the room soundproofed so no one could hear. "…that it's _very_ painful." She laughed wickedly, a wild, insane cackle as she removed her tongue tie spell from my mouth, but not the immobility spell._

_I begged her with my eyes, wishing for mercy. But she was not a merciful woman. She raised her wand._

_"No, please…no…don't! I'm sorry," I cried. "Please…I'm sorry…_Mama, I'm sorr___" My voice broke as red light issued from her wand, lighting up the room as it flashed towards me___

Claws dug into my face, piercing the skin painfully. I sat up as if struck by lightning, sending Amber tumbling off the bed. I put my head into my hands, my eyes burning. As I scrubbed my eyes to prevent my self from crying I noticed that even more scratches and bites had been added to the current collection on my hands. But the new ones were_ much_ deeper. Apparently Amber had been trying to wake me for a while.

I stood up…or rather, I _tried_ to. My sheets had gotten tangled, my feet along with them, feeling like they were locked in a tight cocoon. Slowly I untangled my sheets from my feet, cursing quietly. Every bloody day this week I've woken up in the night! Why couldn't I just sleep the night through for once, I thought furiously. I stood up again, feeling unsteady. The floor seemed to yaw at my feet and I gripped the bedpost tightly to stop myself from falling. After I was steady again I picked the quilt off my bed and padded down into the common room, shivering in the chill. I made my way to one of the poofy armchairs and set my quilt down on it for a moment as I brought the fire back into roaring life. I looked at the shadows, feeling paranoid. Only after I reassured myself that nobody was there did I settle into the chair, pulling my quilt around me. Exhaustion rolled over me, but I could not sleep. I was afraid. Afraid that if I did, I'd fall into another nightmarish memory and never wake up. I still shook from the one I'd just had. Amber, sensing my turmoil, popped daintily into my lap and curled into a ball, kneading my leg.

"I never used to have so many nightmares. I don't know why I am now," I murmured softly to Amber while I stroked her back. She paused in her blissful purring and shot me a look that most distinctly said: _Of course you do, you idiot. You're just looking for some one to tell you, 'cause you don't want to acknowledge it for yourself._

I sighed. "You're right of course." Amber shot me another look: _I always am. When will you ever learn?_ Then she returned to her kneading. I forced out a smile. She was right though, about the fact that I knew why I kept having nightmares. There had been two murders reported last week; one in the muggle news paper and the other in the _Daily Prophet_. The one in the muggle paper was about a court case against a mother who had beaten her child to death. Evidence had been discovered that she had been alternately starving and beating the boy. The article in the _Daily Prophet_ made the front page. A family of five had been found tortured and murdered in their home, their wrists and feet immobilized and their mouths spelled shut…except for the baby boy's. Whoever had tortured them had _liked_ to hear the baby's wail of agony. I shuddered to think that I might've been one of them; the beaten and bloody child, or the nine year old girl whose body had been found across the babe's in a last, futile attempt to protect him.

The nightmares had returned worse than ever after I read the articles. The family murder, oddly enough, was the one I dreamed about the least. But there were enough memories about Mama to keep me waking up every night for two months without repeating a single one. Thinking about the abused and now deceased child, I couldn't help but realize how close I was to that state the day that Dad had com home early from work without calling ahead. I think that he had been starting to suspect Mama's "illness", because he had _always_ called before coming home, even if he was early. And sitting there in the Gryffindor common room before the fire, I realized just how lucky I was. It made me furious to know that the only thing anyone could rely on when you're being abused was luck. Physical strength and wit could protect you for only so long. It's just so unfair, I screamed inside.

I don't know ho long I sat there, fury coursing through my veins like lava, but eventually I relaxed. I caught sight of the moon as my eyelids drooped. It was close to the horizon. I sighed regretfully. I would only get a few more hours of sleep before classes started.

Sleep wrapped her arms around me at last and Dream, thankfully, neglected to make his nightly visit.

***

I opened my eyes just as the sun had lifted itself above the horizon. Its light was warm upon my face and soothed away the last vestiges of worry from the night before. I sighed contentedly.

"You're finally awake! I wondered ho long you could sleep in that chair," a voice startled me. I looked over at the other armchair next to mine. My eyes widened slightly. It was a fairly tall girl with black hair with red tips and tanned skin. For the most part, she looked normal…Except for the eyes, ears, and tail. Her eyes were red, and instead of normal ears, she had a cat's. And a cat's tail.

"Uh, yeah." Oh wow. What a witty person I am. The girl looked at me curiously.

"Aren't you sore from sleeping in the chair all night?"

"Not really, considering I've only been asleep in it for only a couple of hours." The girl eyed me.

"Were you awake all night then?"

"No. I just woke up in the middle of the night," I stood up. I could hear movement in the dormitories as people woke up and started to move about, and I didn't want to be the first person down here when they headed out for breakfast. The girl stood up too. She wore black pants and a crimson shirt underneath her robes. She was _definitely_ a Gryffindor.

"Ahhh," she said in understanding. "Had a nightmare, huh?" I felt a chill as I remembered it. I felt a little blood drain form my face, but I did not allow my terror to enter my voice and I started to walk up the stairs so she wouldn't see it in my eyes.

"…You could say that." my laugh was dry and humorless, harsh in its utterance. I left before she could inquire further.

The dormitory was still dark when I re-entered it, which was fine with me. It meant the other four girls were still asleep. But not for long. Already I could hear them stirring from their peaceful night's sleep, something I was jealous of. Oh, no, Rose doesn't _get_ to sleep comfortable and uninterrupted, I thought half mournfully and half furiously.

I was dressed and out the door before ten minutes had passed, stuffing my wand in my robes in its usual place near my hand. I didn't want to walk into the Great Hall amidst stares and whispers while I tried to find a seat if I could help it.

To my relief, the cat-girl wasn't in the common room when I ran through it, and neither was anyone else. I didn't really want to answer any questions right now. It was too early and I was too tired.

Portraits voiced loud complaints as I tore down the hall about wakening them from their slumber, but I ignored them. I just let myself run, imagining that the air whipping by me took my troubles with it. But the short bliss came to a sudden halt as I skidded to a stop, breathing hard. I had almost run into Tsuki, Kateryn, Cedric, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and the cat-girl. As it was, they'd scooted backwards a few feet to avoid a collision. I slowly caught my breath, tense under their gazes.

"Oh, hello again!" The cat-girl seemed to take my abrupt and ungraceful entrance in stride, smiling cheerily as if something like this happened every day and was expected.

"Uh…hi." I was caught off guard by her acceptance where I had expected taunts and insults.

"Oh, you've met Luna? That saves introductions." Hermione stated plainly.

"Yeah, and gives us more time for breakfast!" Kateryn seemed chipper. In my opinion, it was too early for anything but coffee. Which is what I really needed at the moment. Lots and lots of highly caffeinated, heavenly coffee. I saw Tsuki roll her eyes slightly. Apparently she had the same idea as me. She looked like she'd rather have still been asleep too.

"Ok…um…I'll see you around then." Their gazes were getting to me. My eyes were once again searching for a window to have an excuse not to look at them.

"You're not coming? C'mon, there'll be bacon, eggs, toast, milk, and juice. You look like you need to eat somethi" Kateryn stopped trying to persuade me when she saw me massage my hands, trying to relax away the pain of my newly acquired injuries. I felt her eyes upon me as she looked closer at me, taking note of the scratches on my face that were just made visible by the sun moving onto my face. "Actually, you need to go to the hospital wing. Those scratches look painful," She reached out to point at one beneath my eye. I jerked backwards and she pulled back her hand.

"They're infected Kateryn, you dim wit! Don't try to touch it, it'll only make it worse." Thank god Tsuki thought the reason I had moved as if burned was because my cuts hurt! Or…maybe not. Her eyes seemed a tad bit too knowing. "C'mon, we're taking you to Madam Pomfrey," Tsuki grabbed my arm.

I don't know exactly what happened. One moment her hand was on my arm and the next she was rubbing her hand gently, my wand pointed steadily at her. I came to my senses as my first initial panic faded. I wanted to apologize, but I didn't know how. How do you explain the terror of being touched by anyone, or of a wand pointing at you while you were completely defenseless? I gave up on the idea, deciding instead to be cold.

"I don't kneed a nursemaid. I know my way to the hospital wing, and don't need any help." My voice came out harsh; sharp and cold as a knife made of ice. The looks on their faces expressed their shock at the sudden change in mood. I turned on my heel to leave, walking swiftly. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Tsuki's friends reach almost simultaneously for their wands, and I tensed slightly, waiting for the attack. But it never came. As I turned the corner I saw Tsuki speaking softly to them, pushing down Ron's wand. Then they were gone from view.

I walked until I was a few doors away from the hospital wing before I leaned against the wall. My breath exploded out of me as realization caught up with me. My knees wobbled, so I sat down before I fell down. That's when I started to shake uncontrollably.

"_Why_ did I react like that? I've _never_ lost my control before, I've always been aware of my actions. Why now?" I spoke aloud, needing to hear it to keep it from bouncing around in my head. I sat there for a few moments with my head in my hands before I stood up again. I really _did_ need to get my cuts taken care of. And it needed to now, otherwise I'd have to walk amid stares and malicious whispers when I returned to the Great Hall. Not that I was going to eat. I wasn't hungry. I just needed to get my schedule.

Madam Pomfrey was making the beds when I came in, but took one look at me and hurried into her office for her Insta-Heal salve. I was relieved that she didn't ask any questions as I forced myself to relax so she could apply the salve to my face and hands, then gently remove it once it had one its work. 'Course, she never asked many questions anyhow. Instead, she muttered about the misbehavior of animals who bit the hand that fed them while she deftly went about her work, not wasting any time. Which was just as well, because I was starting to get twitchy. I wanted to get my schedule and leave.

Barely five minutes later I stood before the entrance of the Great Hall. I forced myself to take a deep breath. Gathering my courage I stood up straight and tall and strode into the Hall, my face carefully smoothed of emotion. Half the school was already there and I could feel their eyes upon me. I wanted to turn and run, but I steeled myself. I could leave after I got my class schedule. That's all I cared about. And anyhow, I told myself, they'd quit staring at me soon.

I sat down in my usual spot at the Gryffindor table, alone as usual. Professor McGonagall was still finishing her breakfast, so I poured myself a cup of coffee, ignoring the slight burning sensation on my tongue as I drank it hot. I felt a little better after it, but not enough. This time I poured myself some tea and drank it slowly. Gryffindors were arriving steadily now, so it would be awhile before Professor McGonagall would get to me. I busied myself writing another song on my napkin. It was actually a rather depressing one. It was about a girl who died in an accident and went to her own funeral as a ghost only to find no one there mourning for her. I was so involved in it and half asleep that I didn't notice some one come up behind me.

"Here's your class schedule Rose." I jumped, startled. Professor McGonagall could be so quiet sometimes. She held out my schedule and I grabbed it, finishing off my tea. As soon as I had put my cup back down I stood up and left. Nobody looked at me this time, which came as a relief to me.

Only when I had gotten back to the common room did I look at the paper in my hand. My heart sank. Double Potions after my first class, Magical Music. I was the only student in Magical Music because sixth and seventh years moved onto Musical Magic, and I was the only one of the younger students that had decided to stay. But Potions…I wasn't in the mood for. I didn't actually hate the class or Snape, but I was too exhausted to easily deal with Snape's snide remarks. But after that my classes were all good. Transfiguration, Lunch, Charms, Defense Against the Dark Arts, and then came my music lessons after supper at eight. Magical Music was about music in the wizarding world, but my music lesson actually had me sing. It was a good way to get rid of the days' stress.

My other classes were on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday: Herbology, Astronomy, Care of Magical Creatures, History of Magic, and Dueler's Direction. I frowned slightly at the last one, Dueler's Direction. It was a new class. _And_ two times a day. Sounds like fun, I thought to myself. I glanced at the clock. Shit! Five minutes before classes started. If I didn't leave now I'd be late!

I shoved my books, quills, parchment, and potions kit in my bag hurriedly , then once again ran out the door.

I made it to class a minute before the bell rang, enough time to catch my breath a little. Professor Fiddlestick looked at me as I came in, noting my still slightly flushed face and heavy breathing.

"Did you _run_ here from your common room?" His tenor voice was slightly incredulous. Still out of breath, I nodded. I understood his disbelief though. Most people don't run halfway across the school at top speed and actually make it in time for class. I've always kept myself fit, as I was paranoid about being ambushed and a fit body made it easier to act fast. It had been a long time since that'd happened, but I didn't want to stop exercising in case someone decided to make an exception. But most people want to keep their noses in place and not have to get someone to get them off the chandelier my jinx had fastened them to. The last person who had made that mistake spread the word. Now nobody messed with me.

"Well, as soon as you catch your breath we will begin." I like Professor Fiddlestick. He's always considerate and kind.

After a few moments more, I took out my book and parchment. Fiddlestick unfolded himself, standing almost as tall as Hagrid and almost as skinny as his namesake.

Thus began my school year.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OCs and the new classes. Any and all other characters, places, ideas, and things belong to J.K. Rowling, and to J.K. Rowling alone.

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I was on my way to lunch when I heard muffled thumps and laughter coming from one of the courtyards. Curious, I wandered closer. Peering through the doorway I saw a group of boys and girls in a circle their backs to me laughing and kicking something on the ground, occasionally firing off jinxes at it. I would've gone my own way, but something about them spoke of bullies. It might've been the way they were standing or the fact that they glanced around every few seconds as if keeping an eye out, but whatever it was, it made me suspicious. Drawing closer, I noticed the majority was first and second years with a few older students inter mingled with them.

"D'you think that was funny, tripping me in class?" The tall blonde boy was the one doing most of the damage, both in word and physical wounds. He looked to be the oldest there, a fourth year.

"No…I'm sorry…It was an accide-" The blonde boy kicked the small boy in the side, letting me catch a glimpse of him. He was battered and bruised, curled up on his side with a bloody nose. He had dark brown hair and even darker brown eyes, and his face was covered in freckles. He looked right at me, but didn't appear to see me, too disoriented from his current beating. Nobody else seemed to see me either. And that worked to my advantage.

Defense Against the Dark Arts is my best class. It always had been. I'm good at my other classes, except for History of Magic and Astronomy…I'd have to be to do well in DADA. But I excel in DADA. I read my class book before bed each night, and when I'm done with that, I read the next level up. You don't learn nonverbal spells until you're in sixth year, but my reading and intense concentration when it came to it made me pretty proficient in it. I learned nonverbal magic my third and fourth year for fights like this.

"Stop." My voice was cold and everyone spun around, startled by my presence. The blonde boy glared ate me, his blue eyes narrowed.

"And who are you to say so?" His voice as slightly nasally and full of contempt.

"My name doesn't change anything."

The blonde boy pretended to think. "You're right," he said, his voice mock understanding. "Your name doesn't change the fact that you're next!" He whipped out his wand and pointed it at me.

"You'll regret fighting me," I replied evenly. I took out my wand, ready for the imminent fight ahead of me. I needed an outlet for my sudden fury at the ruthless cruelty and superior attitude of this boy. I never have liked blue, especially blue eyes. They reminded me too much of my mother. "You see, I really dislike bullies. And most tend to regret the day they got on my bad side."

The boy sneered. "Oh, really…well, then I challenge you to a duel. First person hit loses. If I win, you go away and never stick your nose in my business again. If _I_ lose-" at this he smirked, "I stop beating this pipsqueak into a pulp like he deserves." His friends cheered him on. "Yeah, you tell 'er Jim," encouraged a second year Ravenclaw boy with _very_ thick glasses.

"It's a deal." My reply was greeted with catcalls and jeers. Jim smirked at me, obviously thinking he had the upper hand. I felt a slight twinge of shame as I noticed his house insignia. He was a Gryffindor.

The rest of the students backed away and formed a circle with Jim and I at the center of the clear space. The only sound now was of an owl flying overhead. A Hufflepuff third year with cropped black hair and dark skin stepped forward.

"Duelers, take your positions," Jim moved from foot to foot. I stayed as I was. The Hufflepuff raised and lowered his hand in a slashing motion. "GO!" For a moment there was complete silence. Then Jim spoke, trying to provoke me.

"Scared? You should be. You're messin' with Jim Stone… and _nobody_ messes with Jim Stone. You're goin' home in a body bag." Heh. He's really no good at insults. I'll give him a taste of mine.

"Really, I'm ashamed. A _Gryffindor_, a so called _noble _Gryffindor is misleading and beating younger students." I paused as if thinking, then continued, feigning carelessness. "You're not a Gryffindor…you're a Slytherin in disguise." Jim's face turned a deep maroon as he took in the insult I had so casually thrown in his face. The crowd gasped. I spared half a glance for them and saw that some more people had joined the flock, and all were tense with expectation. I noticed also that a few Slytherins that had arrived were scowling and a few took advantage of the moment to add on to my insult in a whisper that carried: "Yesssss… come join ussss Jim Sssstone… hisssss!" There was some laughter, but it died almost instantly. The tension was rising as people wondered: _Who's going to begin it?_

"STUPIFY!" Jim's shout was loud in the courtyard. He brandished his wand in a wide arc, showing off. He turned to face the crowd expecting praise. He was greeted with silence. I watched all of this as I calmly sidestepped the red beam of light. I saw his eyes widen in surprise, grinned mockingly at him, and beckoned.

"One more time before I knock you into the wall." I was enjoying this.

Jim exploded. He fired jinx after jinx and spell after spell. I sidestepped half of them and reflected the rest away from me with _protego_. Jim finally stopped, believing that no one could block them all. He has a lot to learn, I thought to myself as I saw him go pale.

"…my turn." I smiled wickedly. "Expelliarmus!" As Jim was distracted by blocking the spell, I flung another one at him silently, one that would literally knock him into the wall. He was expecting the warning he would get if I said the spell out loud, so I took him completely by surprise. A loud _fwumph_ echoed throughout the yard as he slammed into the wall, then fell in a heap.

"…I win." Jim and the crowd looked at me in disbelief. I ignored their stares as I walked over to the huddled boy on the ground. I grabbed his arm and pulled him up, and not very gently. He whimpered slightly, then stumbled alongside me as I half pulled, half dragged him into the hallway, heading for the Hospital Wing.

After a few minutes of silence, the boy spoke. "Thank you… you didn't really have to… I mean… they would've stopped after a while. You didn't need-" I cut him off in mid-sentence, taking note of his raspy voice.

"I know I didn't _need_ to. But I did. And don't you _ever_ tell _anybody_, understand?" My voice was slightly harsh, and the boy looked at me. I didn't look in his eyes.

"Why? Why did you help me?" He had stopped walking.

"Because! I hate bullies!" My forceful answer seemed to relax him somewhat, because he began raining questions on me.

"I'm Taren Kree, a Slytherin second year, Who are you?" He always came back to that question, wanting to know my name. I ignored him for as long as I could, but as the infirmary came into sight, it got to be too much.

"Will you shut up?" I asked furiously through clenched teeth.

"Not until you tell me who you are." Ssooo… he _does_ have some fight in him. Cute. I rolled my eyes.

"If I tell you, will you shut up?" Bloody hell. What a headache.

"Yes."

I sighed. "My name is Rose Jardin and I'm a Gryffindor fifth year. Satisfied?" Please God, no more questions.

"I've heard of you! You're not like what everyone said you're like. Why-"

"No more questions!" I shoved the infirmary door open, harder than I should have. It hit the wall with a resounding crack and Madam Pomfrey swooped out of her office, ready to unleash her fury upon whoever had disrupted the quiet. The other two occupants jumped and turned to face Taren and I. One was a girl with long dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. Her face was covered in weals. The other was a boy. He had the girl's hair and skin tone, but he had lighter, sky blue eyes. I guessed them to be brother and sister. The boy sported what looked like tentacles on his face. His eyes caught mine and I was momentarily dizzy and disoriented. I barely tore my gaze away in time to not fall over. Madam Pomfrey saw, and opened her mouth to say something, but I cut her off. I seemed to be interrupting a lot of people lately.

"Taren needs a checking over. I found him on the floor of the hallway," Taren started to say something but closed his mouth after I kicked him and shot him a glare.

"Well it's a good thing you corrected me, or I might've continued to think that you'd saved him _during_ a beating, instead of after it." I frowned. Was that just a hint of sarcasm I heard in her voice? I hoped not.

Before I could say anything, Madam Pomfrey had taken Taren to the side and had started to dab a potion onto his wounds. Her patient struggled futiley in her iron grip as the ointment started to sting. As I walked once again out of the infirmary I heard Madam Pomfrey retort to her complaining charge: "Stop whining. You'd think I was putting salt on them, the way you're acting!"

I stifled my chuckle and continued my interrupted way to the Great Hall. I was thirsty and tired, and coffee was just what the doctor ordered.

***

"Rose! Hey, Rose! Wait up!" I quickened my pace. What was it with people talking to me today? First, Luna. Then Tsuki, Luna, and Kateryn. Then having to deal with Jim Stone and Taren Kree. This _had_ to have been one off my stranger days. And I only wanted it to end. But, as usual, my wants were ignored.

"Rose! Didn't you hear me? I've been trying to get your attention for the last two hall lengths!" It was the Kree boy, yet another mark on my annoyance list. I ignored his question and went on in silence, pretending I hadn't heard him. The flower spell we were learning in Charms was _much_ more interesting, at that was as stupid and uninteresting a spell as I've ever learned. I couldn't see any point in it for me…unless my family's murderer was allergic to tulips. I played with that thought for a moment then dismissed it, being as likely as pixies not ripping apart your room if you lock them in there. Not that I'd conjure tulips anyhow. I hated them. They were my mother's favorite flower. As far as I was concerned, it was fine if I never saw another tulip again.

"Are you ignoring me?" Congratulations. You have graduated to _mostly_ stupid. Did he only _just_ figure that out? Problem was, I couldn't _keep_ ignoring him. His voice was like a muggle drill drilling through my head.

"Yes, I'm ignoring you. Get the hint?" Please, I begged silently. Just leave me alone.

"Well, I just wanted to thank you." I stopped in the middle of the corridor, amazed. Thank me? Only teachers thanked me anymore. "And…um…I was wondering…" Taren stopped, suddenly nervous.

I glared at the air. "Spit it out!"

"Well… I was wondering if I could hang out with you a little." Seeing the look on my face, he stammered. "I mean, n-not that w-way! It's just, n-nobody p-picks on you, s-so I f-figured…" He trailed off as I stared to laugh humorlessly.

When I got my laughter under control, I said: "So you think that if you're seen around me that nobody will pick on you? That I'll rub off on you?" Taren nodded. I turned to face him, my eyes locked on his forehead. "Lemme tell you something'. Hangin' around me will only get you picked on _more_ when I'm not around. And you _definitely_ don't want to be like me." I turned and started to stalk off. Taren rushed to catch up to me.

"Why? Because nobody really likes you?" Ouch. Is subtlety even in his vocabulary? I could feel Taren's gaze on my face but didn't look at him.

"That's part of it…" I felt my eyes glaze over as I thought of the other parts of it and shook my head to bring myself out of it.

"…I think I'll risk it," said Taren. I looked him in the eye, startled. What I saw-slash-felt from him startled me some more. There was fear, yes, but only a touch. Determination, friendliness, and stubbornness tempered by that touch of fear were n his eyes, and I could not feel any untruthfulness. After what felt like hours but were really only seconds I looked away, before I got drawn into his memories. Taren seemed dazed.

"What was _that_?"

"What was what?"

"I suddenly felt…feelings that were not mine. It was…I was…you're…" Taren licked his lips, then said abruptly: "Why are you sad?"

I whipped my gaze away from the window. "What! What makes you think I'm sad?"

"Ah, well… it was like I could… _see_?" He seemed to be tasting the word to see if it was the right one. "It was like I could see your emotions." I stared at him for a couple of seconds.

"And…what did you… _see_?"

Taren licked his lips again, looking at everything else except me. "Well…sadness. _Fury_…a-at a man? Pain a-and fear because o-of a woman long gone, b-but still terrifies y-you. _Hate_…"

"That's enough," I snapped. At Taren's terrified look, I softened my voice. "You didn't see any…memories or thoughts, did you?"

"Nooo…" He said it slowly, wondering what this was about.

"Good. And it'd be better if you forgot the rest. A person's feelings are their own. But I want you to tell me if it happens again." It was not a suggestion. Taren opened his mouth to ask why, but I glared at him. Or, more accurately, his forehead. He closed his mouth and I nodded in approval, heading down the hall again.

We had been walking in silence for a minute or so but Taren broke it as we neared his classroom, which happened to be next to mine.

"You never answered my question," he said quietly.

"Oh? And which one was that?"

"Why are you sad?" We had paused just before his classroom door. I stared straight forward, fighting back the sadness that I had repressed a moment ago that decided to wash forward, it's strength doubled, at the mere mention of it.

After a couple of seconds I was able to respond. "Don't… just…," I sighed deeply, trying to find the words. "I'm just…I don't want to talk about it." I hated how weak my voice sounded in my ears.

"Oh…alright," Taren reached out to reassure me. I jerked out of his grasp.

"One rule if you're going to hang around me. Don't ever, _ever_ touch me! Got it?" I snapped. Before he was able to answer I stalked off down the last few feet of hallway to the DADA classroom. It only just occurred to me to wonder who would be teaching the class when I walked in. The professor and the rest of the class weren't there yet, so I had my pick of seats. I chose one in the far back in the corner that was partially shadowed.

Shortly after I sat down the rest of the class poured in. As usual, the last seats to be filled were those around me. Today, the seats to my right, front, and right-front diagonal remained empty. Must be a small class, I reasoned. But this suited me. Less people meant less nervousness around me. I took a book to read.

It was a minute till the bell rang, and the professor still hadn't appeared.

The door swung open just as the bell sounded. I looked up from the book I was reading (Dark Beings and Entities: Find Them, Fight Them, Finish Them) and almost dropped it. The person striding into the room, blue eyes twinkling, was none other than Albus Dumbledore. From the startled looks being shot around the room I gathered that this had _not_ been announced at the feast.

"I beg pardon for my late arrival. I was sidetracked by a most unusual occurrence. It seems that someone convinced Peeves that some Puking Pastilles were some of the most delicious French sweets he would ever taste. Well, I imagine that you know what _that_ led to." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled in amusement as he looked at the now chortling class. His gaze was inescapable and I felt for a moment that I was trapped by his eyes. Then he looked away, to my relief. Even though I could not see his emotions (wow. That's rare.), I felt disoriented. If that was how people felt when I looked _them_ in the eyes, I couldn't blame them for avoiding me. It felt like he could see right through me. It was disturbing.

Dumbledore's tone changed from light-hearted to serious. "Because of Voldemort's return-" there were several gasps of fear at the name, "-we shall be lowering the year level for non-verbal spells from sixth to fifth. So, from now on, you shall only be practicing your spells silently. In _all_ your classes. Will everybody please stand up and move to the back wall." There was a scraping of chairs as everybody stood up. As soon as everyone was at the back (with the usual empty space around me) Dumbledore waved his wand, and all the chairs and desks were suddenly pushed against the left wall. "Now form two lines of equal length facing each other. The person whom you're facing will be your dueling partner for today, who you are to try to stun silently. Now, line up and start dueling…_silently_." At his words everyone rushed to do his bidding, searching out their friends. I just moved a couple of steps away from the wall and stood at the end of one of the lines, waiting. This would be one of the few times that students would search me out to be my partner.

Sure enough, four different classmates stood in front of me, each pushed aside by the next. The girl that now stood in front of me was Sarah Green, the year bully. She was a surprisingly petite girl, but her arsenal of spells and her skill belied her size. I hated her. Her and her blonde hair, powder blue eyes, and fake smile. All three were exactly like my mother's had been. And she acted like a fifteen-year-old version of her. She was even in Ravenclaw.

Sarah flashed me her plastic doll smile while her eyes glinted evilly. I imagine that she thought that she'd get her revenge today. And under a professor's nose, none the less! Well, sorry Goldilocks, today is not your day. I raised my wand slightly, waiting. Sarah's smile widened and I felt someone fall into me. As I stumbled, I saw a flash of red light. I barely blocked it in time. Sarah smiled again.

That cheat! I thought furiously as I straightened. Well then. If she's gonna play dirty, it's time for me to get muddy. I was prepared this time.

"Care to try again? You seemed to have missed me," I sneered quietly. Sarah merely smirked and raised her wand.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw one of her goonies move in my direction. I stepped backwards just as Sarah's goony "stumbled" in my direction. I watched, amused, as the goony's eyes widened in surprise when she did not come up against me as planned. She started to fall, and was hit dead center in the chest by Sarah's spell, who had cast it just as I stepped back. As soon as the goony was out of my way enough, I shot a stunning spell at Sarah, grazing her arm. The look on her face was priceless. Her eyes were wide, her mouth slightly open, and her expression was that of someone who didn't know what hit them and was trying to figure it out. All in all, it was extremely comical. But I didn't laugh. De ja vu finds you at the oddest times. Sarah's face looked just as my mother's had that night when my dad came home without warning. My shoulder started to ache. People were laughing, pointing at Sarah. But I didn't laugh. How could I, when it reminded me of something I've always wanted to forget?

I became aware of a pair of eyes on me. Glancing around, I was trapped once again in those blue eyes. I felt memory rise to the surface of my mind for a fleeting moment, then disappear like a wallowing leaf in the current. I wrenched my gaze away. My hand itched to rub my agonized shoulder, but I didn't. I felt that if I did, it'd be the same as admitting something. To whom, I didn't know, but I had an inkling that it was Dumbledore.

"Now, want to try that again Sarah?" Dueling took my mind off things sometimes. I decided to resort to it again.

Sarah glared, but couldn't say anything for fear of getting caught. Instead, she raised her wand again, murder in her eyes.

…Only to have it fly out of her hand. "Be careful of your enemies, Miss Green. You don't want them to wise up to you." The room fell silent, broken only by Dumbledore's footsteps as he walked toward us. He spoke again, "If you cannot defeat your classmates in a fair duel without resorting to trickery, how will you improve at all? Therefore, I am assigning you to a week's worth of detention to practice your dueling with Professor McGonagall." Sarah's eyes widened and she opened her mouth to protest, but one of her friends hushed her. The bell rang disturbingly loud in the silent room.

"You are dismissed." No one spoke a word, but scurried to the door. The ice in the headmaster's voice was unmistakable. I followed at a more leisurely pace. Pausing in the doorway, hand on the frame, I turned around to find the headmaster examining me, a hint of a frown in his eyes.

"You didn't have to do that. She couldn't have hurt me," I said acidly.

"It wasn't _you_ I was worried about, Rose," Dumbledore replied calmly. His voice was no longer cold, but concerned. I glanced out the window, gazing for a moment at the lake in the distance. A sneering face floated through my mind, the man who murdered my family. I shook it from my mind and rubbed my eyes, wondering: _What was with all these memories?_

I glared at Dumbledore's nose. "You still didn't have to do that." I left before he could say a word, but I could feel his eyes on my back, contemplating.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OCs and the new classes. Any and all other characters, places, ideas, and things belong to J.K. Rowling, and to J.K. Rowling alone.

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At lunch a week later I got what had to be the biggest surprise of my life. Seven bodies plopped themselves into the seats around me.

"Hi ya Rose!" My eyes widened. Damn that Kree boy. Had he gone recruiting? Just the thought of it made me furious.

I glared at Taren. "What are you _doing_," I growled. Taren opened his mouth to answer but was interrupted.

"We decided to join you! You're always sitting alone, so why not?" I turned my glare on Luna but couldn't think of an answer, so I didn't say anything.

"Don't you ever eat? You never have more than some eggs and bacon at breakfast, then you don't eat till dinnertime. Are you trying to starve yourself?" That was Kateryn.

I stared at her eyebrow. "Are you _spying_ on me?" I asked, incredulous. Kateryn was about to say something when another person joined us.

"Hi everybody!" I stared. Silver hair with black in it and silver eyes, the girl sat diagonal from me, smiling sunnily.

"Hi, Akira!" Chorused my tablemates. I frowned at them. This was too many people. I felt smothered. I looked down at my empty plate.

"So where's Cedric?" The girl named Akira asked.

"Oh, he's at a Headboy meeting. Poor boy," said Kateryn. They all laughed. I noticed that Luna was sitting close to Harry, and Tsuki was poking Ron while Hermione stabbed at her food, shooting sour looks at them. Taren sat and ate quietly, but watched attentively. Kateryn was having what appeared to be a hugging contest with Akira. A lively bunch, all in all. It made me feel like a foreigner.

Reaching into my bag, I pulled out a think leather bound book. Propping it up on the table, I started to read. It was full of jinxes, curses, potions, and other numerous spells. Being a fifth year, I wasn't supposed to have this book, with all its references to Dark Magic, but in Nockturn Alley, nobody really bothers with age limits. And it wasn't like I was going to _use_ the Dark Arts, just study them so I knew what I was up against.

"What did you guys think of last week's _Prophet_? Pretty iffy stuff goin' on." Kateryn was reading _The_ _Daily Prophet_. It looked like this was the first time she'd unrolled it since she had first gotten it this morning. "And not a word of it in this week's paper. How droll!"

"Yeah, I heard. All those families murdered…" Luna said in a quiet voice. Everyone shuddered.

Harry put his arm around Luna's shoulder reassuringly. "Don't worry Luna. The Ministry'll catch 'im," he said. The conversation then changed to what they'd do if someone tried to kill _their_ family.

"What would you do, Rose," inquired Taren. I ignored him and continued reading. Unfortunately, the others noticed.

"That's just rude! At least acknowledge that you heard the kid!" Exclaimed Kateryn. The others chorused in agreement. I heard Hermione say, "Yeah, don't be mean!"

I looked up and glared at Hermione. "And I should be nice…_why_? If you've got a problem with it, leave. _I_ didn't make you sit with me." Such was my irritation that I looked her in the eye. It was also my irritation that protected me from being overwhelmed by Hermione's emotions by acting as a kind of shield.

Hermione was the first to look away. I turned back to my book. After a couple moments Taren timidly asked his question again.

"Well, what _would_ you do?"

"I will kill him," I said, not paying attention to what I was saying.

"_Will_?" Asked Tsuki. "Why the future tense?" Her eyes were sharp, and I saw that she, too, had been reading a book. _Black Fire Over Scotland_. I frowned. Was that a horror book? I didn't know, I'd never seen it.

"Is that a new book?" I asked, genuinely curious. I also wanted to move the topic away from me.

"Yes it is. History. It's about the last Dark Lord, before even Grindlewald. They don't even remember his name. Perhaps no one even knew who he was in the first place. So, they call him Black Fire. Though to find out, you'll have to read the book." Tsuki's eyes twinkled mischievously. I faked a pout and returned to my own book, thinking: That book has possibilities.

I sat and felt proud of myself for drawing the conversation away from me. But when I glanced up and saw Tsuki's pensive gaze on me, I thought that perhaps she could not be so easily distracted. Glancing over at Taren, I saw that my slip of the tongue may have been out of sight, but was definitely _not_ out of mind.

Damn, I thought. Why did they have to be so bloody sharp? I was about to get up and leave when Harry spoke to me.

"I've seen you in the Dueler's Direction class. You're pretty good. I look forward to dueling you." He smiled.

I looked at him, then away. "Erm…_thanks_?" I replied uncertainly.

"Harry's the best," Luna beamed at said boy, who blushed.

"Harry's really good, but I bet Rose could beat him easy," countered Taren. I stared at him, aghast. What the hell was going on here!?

"Yeah, right. Harry could beat her any day."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Well, has Harry ever cast nonverbal spells in fifth year?"

"…"

"Well--" Taren was cut short by my foot landing satisfactorily hard on his shin. He glared at me, but I pretended not to see, my nose in my book.

"What? Can Rose?" Asked Hermione disbelievingly.

I shot a warning glare at Taren. "Well…I don't…know. She might be able to, I don't know. I've never seen her do it." The lie came flying out of Taren's mouth.

"Well, there you go!" Hermione looked smug. Luna smiled.

But Taren could no longer hold it in, "But I know she could if she wanted to!"

Everyone laughed while Taren looked sheepishly at me. I, however, glared at him. Bloody Hell, he was getting on my nerves.

"Your mouth could get people in serious trouble, boy. You best keep it shut." I stood up in one quick motion, stuffing my book into my bag. As soon as I was sure I hadn't damaged it, I stalked off.

But not before I heard someone say, "Why do you hang out with her when she treats you like _that_?" I think it was Kateryn.

"Oh, she's not that bad, once you get to know her. And most of what she says is true. I don't mind." Hearing those words, I felt my heart warm just a bit towards Taren, and I scolded myself for it. Friends would just interfere with my revenge.

In spite of that, I couldn't stop myself from feeling good on my way to the first class of Dueler's Direction of the day. The class was battling with DADA for my favorite class. Dueler's Direction was where you put your dueling skills to the test. We are put into groups of our year, and if you beat everyone in your year, you go up to the next year. I'm not sure what happens with the seventh years, if they duel the professors, or if the best dueler has to defend his or her place against their opponents. But with as many students we have, it'll take about a month or so, maybe two, to circulate through everyone. So far, none of the fifth years have been much competition, but, as of yet, I've only gotten through half the year. And Sarah and I have not yet had a face off. I wasn't worried though, just cautious. Sarah's been trying to beat me for about as long as we've known each other. But it was bound to be interesting.

***

I stood looking around the room, waiting for my next opponent. There were flashes of light everywhere: red, blue, cool green, dark green (but no Avada Kedavra green), colors of all shades and width. Sometimes there was no flash of light, and someone would either fly back, collapse, or fall over. Unlike the DADA classes this year, the loser was the one who surrendered, instead of the one who was hit three times by a stunning spell. Thus, the "battles" lasted much longer. I'd also heard rumors that once we were about halfway through the school year, one of our Direction sessions would divide us into two teams for a mock battle, then three teams, then four, and so on. I believed that rumor. It had the ring of truth in it.

"Hey Twinkletoes, do you want to duel, or are you gonna stand there all day lost in that void you have for a brain," said someone behind me. I turned around and was greeted by the sight of Sarah scowling at me.

Smirking I said, "Odd to find that you haven't started already, seeing as my back was turned."

Sarah's scowl deepened and she glanced over at Dumbledore at the other end of the room, then looked back at me. "You know as well as I do that if I did, I'd be in deep trouble faster than quicksand. And this time I won't be able to just step back out of it, seeing as the quicksand would've been up to my neck before I knew it." Her scowl turned into an all out glare.

My smirk deepened. "Well, I hope you've got some new material. Everyone else was such a bore," I said.

Sarah seemed to perk up. Her eyes flashed wickedly. "Oh, you can bet that I've got new material." I eyed her suspiciously. Such an uplift in spirits _had_ to be a bad thing.

"Alright then. Let's get started." I flicked a levitating spell her way, which she dodged. She sent a fire spell my way, which I blocked. Gradually our dueling grew more intense as we threw jinx after jinx at each other, each more complex than the last.

I had just dodged a tricky, twisting stream of light that had curved and turned unexpectedly, and felt it barely pass me, making a crackling noise in my ear and chilling my cheek when I saw Sarah cast a spell at me, its light a distinct purple with blue edging. I felt my eyes widen in disbelief and I froze for a moment. But a moment was all it took.

_How? That's Dark Magic!_ I felt sweat run down my cheek. My book had told me about this spell. The Nightmare Jinx. It caused their victim to live their darkest fear. The spell was classified as an illusion jinx, since the images produced were all in the victim's mind, but the illusion was so strong that the real world would fade for them, until their nightmare _became_ their real world. Some people never recovered from it.

The moment I had frozen took it's toll. I didn't have enough time to dodge, and even if I did, someone else would get hit. I didn't want that to happen, even thought I didn't like people. I didn't have enough time, either, to block the spell. But I _had_ to do _something_. Making a split second decision I stood up straight and in the moment before the spell struck, I jinxed Sarah, momentarily paralyzing and shocking her with an electric charge.

Suddenly I was in the dark, creeping along. Moonlight poured through a crack in the curtains to pool on the floor. It was a perfect night. Quiet and peaceful. _But_, I thought to myself, _it isn't really peaceful. Why?_ I couldn't remember. My belly growled, reminding me of my mission. Sneak in to the kitchen to steal some bread to ease my hunger without out waking mama. _Mama!_ I suddenly remembered. _She's here! Run, hide, escape!_ I turned to run, only to come face to face with her. I was dizzy. _Oh, her eyes!_ I moaned to myself. I was overwhelmed. Such hate! Such joy in the causing of pain. Such insanity! _No, no! Not her eyes_, my mind screamed._ Fight it, fight it! It's the spell! It's not real! Fight it!_

But it's cry was lost amongst the others that were now crowding into it.

_"What are you doing?! What did you do?! Get away from her!"_

"What did you do?! Get away from her!"

Huh? What's going on? My memories were all blurring together. I was seeing all of my memories at once, yet horribly clear. But I was also seeing something else. The DD classroom, I thought muzzily. Voices. Both from the real world and my mind. But which was which?

Too much noise, too much noise. I fell to my knees and covered my ears. I closed my eyes. That felt better on my eyes. But I could feel my present self (that was barely floating in the torrent of my mind) which had become clearer when the millions of images that had assaulted my mind, including the real world, start to slip away. Desperately, I opened my eyes. I could _not_ let myself get lost. Pain built up in my right shoulder as the memory of dad discovering mama torturing me swam before my eyes. As if I was living it again, I saw mama bring her wand down in a slashing movement at me, saw the blaze of dark silvery blue, felt it cut deep into my shoulder as dad knocked mama's wand out of her hand and sent it flying. Saw mama's look of triumph turn to slack disbelief, the madness never leaving her eyes.

There was moaning; I was moaning, rocking back and forth on my knees, gripping my shoulder as in my mind it spurted blood. Someone touched my arm, and I cried out in pain. Dad was touching my shoulder. Or was it dad? The image of my dad overlaid something, someone. Who was it? I couldn't make it out. I didn't know which of them was the one touching me. All I knew was that it hurt.

I heard a laugh, as if from far away, and I looked up. Sarah was being held back by several some ones as she laughed. Why was Sarah so easy to see, even with the image of mama over her image, but no one else was? I didn't know, nor care. Sarah was laughing at me, mama was laughing at me. Who was who? It didn't matter, I only wanted my hands around her/their throats. Mama/Sarah spit in front of me.

"_Giving up already, Rosie? You're so weak_. Are you surrendering already? So soon?" Mama/Sarah asked. Which one was saying what? It was all blending together. At her/their words, another memory threatened to overtake me, but I pushed it back. I _had_ to stop her, that's all that mattered.

I stood up, clutching my shoulder still, and focused on her/them. Something in my eyes must have unsettled her/them. They stopped laughing, and their smiles dropped off their face. Hate and fury coursed through my veins.

Forgetting I had a wand, forgetting all about magic, I lunged at Mama/Sarah. My hands went around their throats and I felt a flash of triumph. No longer would mama terrorize me. Sarah was not mama, but she acted so much like her, so where was the loss? For a moment, mama and Sarah separated and I saw a flash of something in Sarah's eyes, a memory now ingrained in me.

Then I was yanked back by the shoulders, and my grip weakened and let go as my bad shoulder was jarred. My mind was fuzzy from the pain. Everything was gray tinged. I sat back, too weak to hold myself up.

Faces appeared in front of me, but my vision was still blurry, even though the spell was fading, and I couldn't make out their features. "Rose! Rose, are you okay?" It was Taren, concern and worry bordering on fear in his voice. "Answer me!" I felt his cool hand pat my cheek gently, urging me to wakefulness.

I tried to answer, but nothing came out.

"C'mon, Taren. Help her up. I'll take her other side." Ron was taking control of the situation. "She needs the Hospital Wing, if only for some peace and quiet." I felt Ron put my left arm around his shoulder to hold me up. Taren took my other one and a few tears leaked out of my eyes from the pain, despite my efforts to stop them. They helped me stand, but I was too weak to walk. In the end, it took Ron, Taren, Harry, and Cedric to carry me to the Hospital Wing, with Tsuki, Kateryn, Luna, Akira, and Hermione walking alongside us. They looked like some odd sort of escort, walking in a circle around us and glaring at passerby.

For some reason, this thought struck me as funny. I started to laugh, weakly at first, then more strongly, tears running down my face from the pain the laughter was causing in my abdomen and shoulder.

"They say," said Akira wisely as we entered the Hospital Wing, "that you can laugh or you can cry."

Luna chuckled. "Looks like she decided to compromise."

This, of course, only made me laugh harder.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OCs and the new classes. Any and all other characters, places, ideas, and things belong to J.K. Rowling, and to J.K. Rowling alone.

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I was in the Hospital Wing for two days, just sleeping. Madam Pomfrey had finally given me some No Dream sleeping potion after I woke two times, sweating, clutching my shoulder, and curled into a ball a few hours after I was brought in. She gave me small drinks of it to help me sleep better with my small dinner that first night and big breakfast (of which I only ate half) the morning after. After that, I didn't wake up until the morning after that one, feeling better than I had in a long time. I squinted against the morning sunlight.

"So you're finally awake." I jumped at Madam Pomfrey's voice. "I was a just about to wake you. You have visitors." She smiled.

Uh-oh, I thought. Please, not them! They'll only ask me questions! I don't _want_ to be asked questions!

"Hiya, Rose!" I squeezed my eyes shut. Damn.

"Hey Taren," I replied wearily. I tried to prepare myself for the questions sure to come.

"Here's your homework." I opened my eyes to see Akira stack a pile of parchment and my books on the bedside table. She grinned at me. "Had to go to all of your teachers and mention your name specifically. Talk about a hassle."

Tsuki muttered. "Yeah, especially since we had to convince McGonagall to give us a copy of your schedule. That woman can be so irritating sometimes."

Luna nudged her in the ribs with her elbow. "Yeah, but it was worth it. Now you can make it all up." She smiled.

I eyed them suspiciously. People smiling at me was a strange occurrence. But strange in a nice way. "Where's everyone else?"

"Oh, they're still eating breakfast. Harry, Cedric, and Ron have a Quidditch match this morning. Hermione's gonna go down to the Pitch with them and save us some seats. Kateryn is wishing Cedric good luck." Everyone laughed. I smiled slightly.

"Are you gonna watch the match, Rose?" asked Taren.

"Nah. I'm gonna catch up on my work, and maybe read a bit. I'm still kind of tired." It was only an excuse. I've only been to two Quidditch matches, all in my first year. I'm not a big team supporter.

The talk turned to more general things, but my thoughts were elsewhere. The memory I'd felt from Sarah was difficult to piece together. But something about it was familiar. Then it struck me. Sarah had suffered as much as I had, but slightly differently. Instead of physical torture from her mom, she was beaten down emotionally over and over by her father, who wanted to become the next Dark Lord, until she would kill anyone who rivaled her just because she couldn't stand being less than anybody else except her father because she wanted his approval. And when she had cast the Nightmare Jinx, it backfired just enough to finally break her. I had overheard Madam Pomfrey telling someone that they had sent her to St. Mungo's, where she'd been put in a Psych Ward, the second time I woke up from my nightmares. Thinking about it, I felt a twinge of sorrow for Sarah.

"How's your shoulder, Rose?" I had been massaging my shoulder unconsciously, and Taren had noticed.

I looked at him, carefully avoiding his eyes, then out the window. "It's fine." When I had been brought in, Madam Pomfrey had immediately set to work on my shoulder, doing what she could. But the wound was too old, the damage too permanent, for her to do more than strengthen the tendons and muscles, and relax away some of the pain. She couldn't even remove the scar, because wounds made by the spell my mother used don't heal well and never quite completely.

Now that attention had been brought to the topic, or relating to the topic, the tension rose. They all wanted to ask, I could tell, but they were restraining themselves because there was really no diplomatic way to do so.

"So what was that spell she used on you? I didn't recognize it." But something in Tsuki's voice made me think that she probably had a good idea. I knew that she _should_, considering what book she had been reading.

I continued to look out the window as I spoke. "No, you probably wouldn't recognize it, but you've probably heard of it. It's Dark Magic, not taught at this school. The Nightmare Jinx. Not as bad as the Unforgivable Curses, but nearly so." A bird flew across the window, delighting in the blue sky. "I believe Black Fire invented it." I shot a look at Tsuki. It appeared I had been correct. She _had_ known. Tsuki nodded.

"Yes. At a fairly young age, too. It says so in my book." Tsuki went on to explain the Nightmare Jinx to the others. Their expressions, when she finished, were of shock and horror.

"But that's just wrong!" exclaimed Taren. "How could she do something like that?"

"She didn't do it very well. The Nightmare Jinx requires tight control and exact concentration. She was close, but not enough. It backfired on her, a bit, in the end," I said softly.

Taren huffed. "Well, it serves her right, doing what she did."

I snapped my head around and glared at him. "And who are you to decide what is right and what is wrong? The world is not divided neatly into black and white, Taren. The world is composed of a million shades of gray and more! Circumstances are not always as one would hope them to be!" I could feel startlement from the four of them. Taren's eyes radiated his shock and self-shame at the reprimand. I sighed and looked back out the window. "Don't blame Sarah. Some things can't be helped."

Madam Pomfrey bustled over to the side of my bed. "Visiting time is over, unless you want to miss the match," she announced briskly. Then she turned to me, holding out a letter. "The headmaster told me to give this to you when you woke up." She passed me the letter and left without another word.

"Ah, well. We'd better get going. Don't want to miss out on the match," said Luna, standing. Tsuki and Akira stood up as well, but Taren remained sitting, just watching.

"Get a move on, pipsqueak," I murmured quietly, examining the seal on the letter. Crimson wax with the Hogwarts crest pressed into it. Five letters were written directly below it: A. P. W. B. D.

"You sure you don't want to come? It'll be fun," Taren asked insistently.

"No, I don't want to come. But you should go. I'm sure not going to be any fun to be around."

Taren nodded reluctantly and got up to leave with the other three. But in the door way he paused, glancing back at me. I glared at him. After a moment he left, shoulders slumped, heading down the hall.

As soon as I was sure I was alone, I carefully broke the letter's seal. Inside was a short message written in a rather loopy scrawl.

Miss. Jardin,

I ask that you come to my office to that we can discuss how you are faring in private, without fear of indiscretion, as soon as possible. The door is behind the Gargoyle.

-Albus Dumbledore

P.S.- Did you know that gnomes are the most common household pests?

I stared at the letter, irritated. Despite the polite wording, the summons was an order not to be refused. Ant the last part…that _had_ to be the password.

"Bloody hell," I growled to myself. "Why is everybody bothering me? If I wanted to talk, I would!" In a flash of anger, gone as fast as it had come, my hand clenched and crumpled the parchment. Then I sighed. Might as well meet my doom.

When Madam Pomfrey returned, I told her that the headmaster wanted to see me. Barely fifteen minutes later, I was in front of the gargoyle.

"Gnome," I said to it, looking it in it's stone eyes. As it swung forward it suddenly came alive and spoke to me.

"He is expecting you," was all it said.

"Thanks," I muttered to it sarcastically as I stepped onto the rising staircase.

When it got to the top I stepped onto the landing and came face to face with a griffin doorknocker. Suddenly filled with apprehension, I raised the knocker and let it fall.

"Enter," said a voice from inside the office. I was suddenly struck by a sense of familiarity. It was so similar to the common muggle horror movie plot it made me want to laugh. Any second now, after I opened the door, I'd either be killed right off, terrified, creeped-out, or reassured and killed later in a dazzling theatrical performance. Either way, I would die.

I struggled to keep my face straight as I opened the door--and my face went slack with amazement. The office was enormous. There was a kind of balcony about ten or fifteen feet above the floor, two staircases going up to it on either side, one next to each wall. On the second floor I could see a telescope by the window. The ceiling seemed to mock me with its vast expanse. High up on the walls were portraits of wizards. Headmasters, I figured. In the middle of the office was a huge oak desk, behind which Dumbledore sat, waiting. A phoenix was sitting on a perch near the door, and I saw another perch next to one of the staircases. Everywhere I looked there were gizmos and gadgets, some inside the cabinets that lined the walls, some placed out on tables, smoking, whirring, whistling, glowing, and performing numerous other tasks, the beginning of which I had not a clue.

But what really struck me dumb, even made me forget about Dumbledore and everything else, was what was sitting quietly, leather bound, fading, and wafting their smell throughout the room, tantalizing my nose.

Books. Books such as I've never seen. Mystery, action, historical, educational, teaching, magical, and more, all together looking worn but well cared for. These books had all been read, many times over. Some of them I recognized, having either read them myself, seen them, heard of them, or only touched. _The Black Lake_? There were only seven copies of those in the entire _world_! Over there was _Black Fire Over Scotland._ And over there was _Dark Beings and Entities. _But a great deal more were more were one's I'd never knew even existed. Near the top of a tall shelf next to the window was one that I was _sure_ was in Goblin.

Everywhere I looked, there were shelves and shelves and piles upon piles of books. There was one in Latin and one in German that I was itching to get my hands on.

My eyes were flicking everywhere, looking at as much as possible. I saw the Sorting Hat sitting on a shelf atop even more books. Books, books, books, books, books…

"Ah! Miss Jardin! Please take a seat. Make yourself comfortable." I jumped at the sound of Dumbledore's voice. I'd forgotten he was there. Had it really only been a second? It felt much longer, as lost in my own dazed world as I had been.

As quickly as possible I crossed to the chair he had gestured at in front of his desk, and sad down with a plop.

"Good, good," Dumbledore said with a smile. "Now, do you know why you are here?"

I scowled. "To talk about what happened in class," I mumbled resentfully.

"Indeed." Dumbledore was no longer smiling. He was looking at me solemnly. I did not meet his eyes. "And what, pray tell, do _you_ think happened?" His voice was steady but gentle.

"Sarah cursed me."

"Why?"

"We were dueling."

"Yes, but why did she curse you?"

"Because she knew she was going to lose," I said matter-of-factly, stubbornly refusing to go into details.

"You were rivals?" Dumbledore's face showed that he knew the answer.

"Yes."

There was silence then. I could hear a clock somewhere tick out the seconds. Cheers drifted through the open window. I watched the clouds float by while a bird meandered aimlessly through the air. The silence became heavy and uncomfortable after about two minutes. And still the seconds ticked by. Tick tock, tick tock. It was getting agonizing. But it was better than talking….which is what I found myself doing, this time gazing at the phoenix.

"We've always been rivals. She couldn't stand that I beat her almost every time we dueled. She would always try to find new spells and jinxes to use on me. Lately, those have been getting more and more dangerous. And not just for me. For her, as well. And anyone else who happened to be around. For my part, I admit that I enjoyed antagonizing her it gave me practice. And she was so similar to--" I broke off before I said anymore. It was too personal. I didn't even want to _think_ about it.

The phoenix opened its beak and uttered a soft note, sending chills down my spine. Achingly sweet and soulful, I felt as if a warmth was spreading through me, relaxing muscles that I hadn't even known were tense. An idea nagged my mind, and I stared hard at the phoenix.

"Ah. This is Fawkes," Dumbledore said, noticing the direction of my gaze.

"He's _magnificent_," I said in an awestruck voice. And he was. Gold and red, he was one of the most glorious beings I'd ever seen.

"He is, isn't he." Dumbledore smiled.

"Quit with the chitchat! Get down to business already! You Gryffindors always were a flighty bunch!" I jumped at the sound of an unfamiliar voice, curt and sneering. Glancing up and around I saw one of the headmaster portraits glaring at me.

"Pheneas, be quiet! You are no longer headmaster!" said another portrait, this of a woman with an abnormally short, thick wand.

"But they're wasting time! It's not like they don't have other places to be. And the same goes for me…and they're getting boring."

I suddenly found it hard not to laugh. While most Gryffindors would take offense at Pheneas's comments, I found them very amusing. But Gryffindors aren't as flighty as all that. Proud, hard-headed, and meddling--maybe. But not flighty.

It was still funny.

Dark clouds were forming over the lake and were spreading out like a vampire flaring its cloak. Already I could see the flashes of lightning, hear the distant roar of thunder. The tang of rain reached my nostrils. I hoped the Quidditch match was over.

"Miss Jardin?" I jumped again in surprise. I hadn't realized that Dumbledore had been speaking.

"Sorry, Professor," I mumbled apologetically. "I was just thinking."

Pheneas made another insulting remark." Get your head out of the clouds! Do you wish you were a bird? Keep this up and I'll start calling you birdbrain." For some reason, he seemed not to like me. Oh well.

"Haven't you ever wished you were a bird, Former Headmaster?" I asked formally. "Flying as high as the clouds, far above the toils people bring upon themselves. No Dark Lord. No betrayal. No true hate. No abusive families. No teachers or associates of any kind. No tests or constant student irritants. Just you, the sky, and endless freedom." I gazed out the window, half dreamily, half sadly.

Pheneas didn't say anything. Neither did anyone else for several minutes.

"Ah…" Dumbledore finally said, gazing at me kindly. "I think I understand now." I glanced at him then away again, this time examining the Latin book that kept drawing my eyes toward it.

"Do you really? Does anyone understand truly?" I asked skeptically.

"I understand more than most."

"Most?"

"Well, it would be nigh foolish of me to believe that I understand more than you, who has suffered it."

I looked at his glasses rims. "And what is it you think I have suffered," I asked coolly. Dumbledore paid no attention to my tone of voice.

"You have suffered a great many injustices. You have sat and walked alone until very recently--" I looked him in the eye in surprise. "Oh yes. Do not think I did not notice. I keep an eye on my students. But your predicament is hard not to notice. You are one of the few who does not keep the company of other students, and the only one to this extent in the past decade." His blue eyes seemed to ex-ray me, but I found that I couldn't look away.

There was silence once again as I tried to look away. Even though I could not sense his emotions, I felt that he could see mine.

"Did your parents ever…_hurt_ you, Miss Jardin?" I tensed slightly at his question, and it seemed to me for a moment that my mother's insane face swam before my eyes, leering. I grimly pushed the image away.

"They punished me for my misdeeds, just like any other parent." It wasn't exactly a lie. Dad punished me for doing things I wasn't supposed to do that I knew were wrong, as did my mother. Albeit that what she viewed as my misdeeds were really excuses to-- I cut off that thought before it could go any further.

"How are you feeling after that curse? Better, I hope?" I frowned at this abrupt change in topic. I had a feeling that Dumbledore knew that I had lied, so why did he change the topic?

"Better, yes." Back to square one. Short answers.

"That's good." Dumbledore was still gazing at me, but now I could look away. "How do you feel about Sarah, after she cursed you?"

"I feel sorry for her."

"Sorry?"

"Yes."

"Why do you feel sorry for her?"

"…"

"…Miss Jardin?"

"Because she was hurting," I watched Fawkes preen and ruffle his feathers momentarily.

"Hurting?" Dumbledore seemed genuinely curious and slightly surprised at my reply.

"Just because someone has a lot of friends doesn't mean they don't hurt. Sometimes, it hurts them worse," I said softly.

"Why would it hurt them worse?" It was the stubby wand witch.

"Because," I replied, looking at her, "it's your friends who are supposed to notice first, and to care. But too often, they don't even have a clue." The stumpy wand witch nodded in understanding.

"That is very wise of you, Rose," said Dumbledore.

"Wise? Never. Just common sense." And it doesn't help that in those instances I can feel their emotions from several hallways away, their depression permeating the air.

"True enough. But that doesn't tell me how you know that she was hurting." Hmph. Nothing gets past him, does it.?

"Because only someone desperate would try to cast that curse at her level, or someone stupid. And Sarah was definitely _not_ stupid. So why would she be desperate? To prove herself. To me? No. Then to who? Her father, her only living family member. Why would she want to prove herself in that way to her father? Because he didn't believe in her, made her feel worthless.

That kind of disapproval hurts people. He emotionally abused Sarah. And sometimes, that's the worst kind of hurt," I said calmly, explaining it as if to a child while inwardly I was amazed at myself for speaking to the headmaster this way.

Dumbledore sat looking at me, thinking about what I had said, approval flickering in his eyes. "Very good Miss Jardin. Most people would not have caught that."

"She's pretty smart for a Gryffindor," remarked Pheneas gruffly in reluctant admiration.

"My House has nothing to do with it, Former Headmaster. What I see and perceive should only refer to _who_ I am, not _what_ I am," I replied sharply. "May I leave, Professor Dumbledore?"

"Yes, you may. It is good to know that you are feeling better," said Dumbledore.

"Thank you."

As I walked out the door, I heard Phineas remark dryly, "You _know_ she didn't tell you everything."

"Yes. But it is unlikely she's told _anyone_ everything. It requires a certain amount of trust," I heard Dumbledore reply just before the door shut completely. I thought he sounded rather sad.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OCs and the new classes. Any and all other characters, places, ideas, and things belong to J.K. Rowling, and to J.K. Rowling alone.

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Immediately after I left the headmaster's office I headed outside, clutching several sheets of parchment and my favorite quill and ink.

Shouts and cheers echoed over the grounds while thunder rumbled overhead. The quid ditch match was still in full swing. It hadn't started to rain yet, but I hoped the match would be over soon. It wouldn't do to have Taren catch cold.

I debated with myself for a moment if I should run and get Taren a jacket and had actually turned to go get one when I mentally shook myself. What was I doing? I didn't even like the kid! Frowning, I turned back around and continued my way to the Forbidden Forest.

Deep in the forest was a small clearing surrounded by bramble and vines. It was a place that only the creatures of the forest new of until I accidentally stumbled into it in my first year. Since then it had become my sanctuary, where I could beat my fists against the tree trunks in anger, sing as loudly as I wanted, or sit there and let the ageless calm of the trees and earth sooth me. Today I was doing homework.

But not just _any_ homework. I was going to compose my first piece of music. Or, to be more exact, play the _complete_ score of music _I_ composed. My vocal instructor, Professor Etrof, had set me with a new challenge: to write a vocal and instrumental musical score of my own making, due at the end of the semester. Originally, she wanted me to write it then perform it in front of the entire school, but somehow I managed to get her to back down. _How_, I will never know. Professor Etrof was known for her stubbornness. Now I just had to write it and give it to Professor Flitwick so _he_ might perform it in front of the school. Not only was he the Charms professor, he was the choral director. Professor Flitwick, Professor Fiddlestick, and Professor Etrof worked closely together as a result of teaching similar subjects.

As I prepared to compose, I realized that my memory of Fawkes was underlying everything else in my mind, his shimmering note still echoing around in my head. It would be splendid if I could write a phoenix song. With that in mind, I put my quill to the parchment and started to write.

Twenty minutes later, I threw down my quill. This was going absolutely nowhere. I had reached a block early on in the piece, when the dark, contemplative tone was gradually interrupted by the light and uplifting melodious chord of the phoenix song, much like how the utterance of a phoenix snuck into your very heart and soul, lingering in your mind, strengthening the true at heart and intimidating the false. The words were coming gradually, describing the dark, the context gradually becoming lighter yet bolder as the phoenix's song worked its way throughout the piece, until the words themselves had become light and weightless, becoming the light themselves. That's what I wanted to write. It's what I could _feel_, their chords thrumming somewhere deep inside of me. But I couldn't _hear_ them; they were just barely out of my straining grasp: oh so close, but oh so far away.

I slammed my hands on the ground in frustration, then winced. I had hit a rock. There was a bruise already forming, and I swore. Why is it that I keep hurting myself? Hitting inanimate objects rarely did any good.

Since it was obvious that I would get no further I gathered my things together and left, lingering for a moment at the edge of the clearing, fingers resting gently against the bark of my favorite tree. It was a willow, bent and wizened but still strong and lithe. Out of all the willows in this secluded section of the forest, this was the one that most calmed and fortified me with its age old wisdom and quiet strength.. I felt a twinge of sadness at leaving my little utopia, but it couldn't be helped.

Gathering myself, I turned my back on the clearing and walked away into the dark, shadowy trees that made up the rest of the forest. That was the odd thing about that secluded spot, I thought to myself as I turned towards where I knew Hogwarts lay. It was the only place in the forest where there were willows. Not just one willow. Several. Perhaps somebody years before me had planted those willows for his or her own private area. Who could tell? All I knew for certain was that that was the place I took comfort in, where I could relax indefinitely.

I was close to the castle now. I could see it and the lake in the spaces between the trees. Something rustled off to my right, about six and a half feet away. I tensed, then relaxed as I realized it was just the wind. It had picked up suddenly and came from the north. I could feel the chill as it passed and I wished I had brought a jacket, as the chill did not leave as the breeze died. The clouds hung ominously in the sky, darkening until the light was a dark grey. The storm would hit anytime.

Even as I thought it there was a spear of lightning above me, followed immediately by a sharp _crack!_ I heard yelp to my left and a flash of discordant amusement and sheepishness. I swung around-- pulling out my wand as I did so-- my heart pounding.

I wasn't alone.

***

I held my breath and forced myself to calm down. Panicking would do me no good whatsoever. I had to be ready for whoever was there. There was no doubt in my mind that whoever it was could cause serious harm, and might've done worse had I not become aware of his or her presence.

Leaves crackled as they were trod upon by some unseen foot that got closer and closer. I could see the dim outline of the person between the trees. I raised my wand and forced myself into a relaxed awareness that I used to duel.

"Hi! What are you doing here, Rose?" I sucked in my breath at the words, relieved. It was Akira. I could now see the silver of her hair and eyes gleaming dully in the shadowy light of the forest. I lowered my wand but did not put it away. I was still unsure about her, having talked to her only twice. And she didn't exactly seem surprised that I was there.

"Just walking. What are _you_ doing here?" I eyed her quizzically, almost suspiciously. Akira showed no sign of discomfort, nor could I feel any from her.

"The same," she shrugged. "It's nice out here. Soothing." She grinned suddenly, amusement rolling off her in waves, "at least, until it thunders!"

I smiled a bit at that. "So that's why you yelped?"

"You heard that, huh? Yeah, that's why I yelped. I was lost in thought when it suddenly boomed, so I tripped and almost fell into a bush," Akira laughed at herself.

"You startled me more than the thunder, I must say. I didn't expect anyone else out here. Gave me quite a fright, you did," I replied, amused.

"Ah…," she said, glancing at the wand in my hand. "I guess that explains the wand." I nodded, then put it away, but as always within quick reach.

We walked together toward the castle in a comfortable silence for a while, and I marveled at it. Companionship was rare to me, as was the easy feeling.

"So…," Akira glanced at me. "Why were you in the Forest walking? I thought you said you were going to do your homework. You done already?"

I shrugged. "Inspiration. Relaxation. Contemplation. Got stuck on an assignment." I shrugged again. "What about you? What were you so deep in thought about?"

Akira shrugged as well, frowning slightly. "Just…stuff. The meaning of things, homework, the holidays." Her eyes lit up. "Never too early to think about the holidays," she laughed. I shrugged, looking up at the sky. Holidays were nothing special for me.

"Ow!" I exclaimed darkly, looking back down and slapping a hand to my eye.

"What?"

"Rain! Right in my eye!" I blinked a few times to clear it as drops started to patter against the ground, harder and harder and in increasing quantity.

Akira glanced around, then looked at me. "We should probably run, y'know."

I nodded. "Yeah," I said, standing up. "Race you!" Then I took off running, Akira on my heels, laughing as I hadn't laughed in a long time as we slipped and fell into the mud, pushing each other back down as we tried to get ahead of the other. Needless to say, we arrived in the Entrance Hall soaking wet and covered in mud, breathless from the run and our laughter, grinning from ear to ear.

When we caught our breath, I said "That was fun."

"That was _dirty_ and _exhausting_!" Akira exclaimed.

I snorted. "_You_ started the pushing!" Akira didn't deny it. "Ah, well. We should get cleaned up then head to our dormitories to change. Don't want to get in trouble with Filch." Akira nodded in agreement, both of us sighing.

We went our separate ways glumly after several minutes of fighting with the mud on our clothes, shoes, and robes.

We both knew that neither of us gave the completely true reasons for being in the Forbidden Forest, but that didn't stop us from forming a bond of friendship in those few minutes that we laughed together. And that, perhaps more than anything, is what started to change my life.


End file.
